Love Song Read online

  ‘I do not want her to be a disappointed dancer.’

  ‘And I do not want to move.’

  Alexander stared at her again. ‘Look – what is all this about, please? I thought we had discussed all this. I mean, it’s all a bit late, isn’t it?’

  ‘I do not want to move, Alex. I’ve told you over and over again. Not only do I not want to move, I do not want to move in with your great-aunt. It just does not seem a healthy kind of thing to do, whatever the financial advantages. I really do feel that. We’ll muddle through at West Dean Drive, we always have before. Really, we’ll be all right. I find I keep saying yes to all this when I really mean no.’

  ‘As I said, she’s an old woman, Hope. Try to be a bit more understanding.’

  ‘And I’m still a young woman, Alexander. I still have life in me, more perhaps now I’ve finished having babies, and I am really worried about moving to Wiltshire. All those country women – I just won’t fit in.’

  Their conversation had continued from the pub to the car, and on from there, but now as they passed increasing expanses of green fields and there was a sight of woods in the distance, and imperceptibly everything outside the windows of the old car seemed to be becoming lighter, and the air clearer, a silence fell between them, leaving only the wipers and the engine to break the pause which had turned into a battle of wills.

  ‘I don’t think you realize that whether you like it or not, we have no choice. I mean, we really have to do this, Hope,’ Alexander said finally and quietly. ‘We have no alternative.’

  ‘There’s always an alternative, Alexander.’

  ‘Fine. So there is an alternative, Hope.’

  ‘Which is?’

  ‘Bankruptcy.’

  At last Hope recognized the dead end to which they had finally come.

  On this visit Hope looked at the house with quite a different eye. This was going to be her home. She must now try to think of what it would be like to run it, day by day, week by week. By prior arrangement Alexander left her and Aunt Rosabel alone in the library with a tray of tea while he took a surveyor over the place.

  ‘Lovely spot,’ the surveyor said, and then, ‘Beautiful house.’ And finally, ‘Hope it’s not in need of what I think it is.’

  ‘Which is?’ Alexander asked, following him out into the courtyard, and then back again into the drive, and then right round the outside, and then back that way too.

  ‘Underpinning.’ The surveyor rolled his eyes. ‘Not good. And that’s not all …’ He appeared to be enjoying himself enormously at Alexander’s expense, so Alexander was determined not to show any outward emotion. ‘And once I’ve had a dig in the attic and had a floorboard or two up, I fear I will find worse. Dry rot.’

  Other defects became all too apparent when, after climbing up into the attics, they found that part of the roof in one of the wings had collapsed. What was more, although outwardly the house seemed dry enough, the cellars were in a state of semi-permanent flooding, the influx of rainwater and seepage from the surrounding lawns and paddocks being only just held at bay by a Heath Robinson type of pumping device, as a consequence of which there was at least six inches of water in the basement at any one time.

  ‘This is a lot of work, Mr Merriott. To put this right is a lot of work. My goodness, I don’t envy you at all,’ the surveyor concluded, smiling.

  ‘Fine,’ Alexander said, apparently unworried, also smiling. ‘So a ball park figure then. To put it all right.’

  ‘A lot of money.’

  ‘Which means?’

  ‘Fifty, sixty thousand – underpinning alone will eat up thirty thousand, I would say. Oh, yes, definitely thirty thousand.’ He smiled again.

  ‘Oh well,’ Alexander said after a moment’s pause, his good humour restored. ‘Not to worry. The old girl’s loaded.’ But later, as he drove Hope back to London, he said, ‘Nothing much wrong, I think you’ll find, from what the surveyor has just told me. The place is in fine form. Nothing much to do, really.’

  Hope murmured, ‘Oh good,’ and then she stared ahead into the darkness. She had liked sitting with Aunt Rosabel in front of the fire in the library and hearing her talk of the old days before the war, when her son was young, and her husband bred polo ponies. Hatcombe had suddenly seemed a refined and gentle place to be, and leaving West Dean Drive not so bad.

  Chapter Six

  When Rose discovered that she was not going to be allowed to go to ballet school she shut herself in her room.

  ‘This must be you,’ she said to her mother, when Hope broke the news. ‘Just because you failed as a dancer, you don’t want me to succeed!’

  ‘Rose,’ Hope began, but Rose was already halfway up the stairs and in spite of everyone’s intercessions she refused to come down to tea or supper, nor would she accept the food which Melinda took up for her.

  ‘Dogs and children never starve themselves.’ Alexander stared unconcernedly at the tray when Melinda returned with the unwanted food. ‘At least that’s what my father was forever saying when I was growing up.’

  ‘Even so, I think I’ll go up and have a word with her.’

  ‘Your supper will be ruined, Hope.’

  ‘Mellie can put it in the oven.’

  Rose was sitting on her bed up by the pillows, looking out of the large picture window onto the garden, when Hope came in.

  ‘Rose—’

  ‘You know how much I’d set my heart on it. How could you stop me?’

  ‘I’m not stopping you from doing anything,’ Hope said, sensing betrayal.

  ‘All those things you said to Dads about dancing, and how they treated you at ballet school – you knew, you knew what his reaction would be.’

  ‘Well, yes, I admit it is a very hard discipline, but I told you that—’

  ‘You didn’t have to make it a reason for me not going on – I mean how could you! How could you let me go through all those auditions!’

  ‘But, Rose – believe me, this has had nothing to do with me, really—’

  ‘You don’t want me to dance,’ Rose said suddenly and very quietly, and she bit her lower lip. ‘You don’t want me to dance in case I’m better than you.’

  ‘Don’t be silly, darling.’ Hope reached out a hand, but Rose snatched hers away.

  ‘It’s true. Dads is right.’

  ‘I don’t understand. What’s Dads got to do with it? What did he say to you?’

  At that moment Alexander put his head round the door and smiled at Rose. ‘All right, sausage?’ he enquired. ‘Everything all right here?’

  ‘Alex—’ Hope turned.

  ‘Fine, thanks, Dads,’ Rose said from behind her. ‘If someone will just leave me alone, I will be fine.’

  After taking one last look at her daughter, Hope followed her husband out of the bedroom, Alexander shutting the door behind them.

  ‘What is this all about Alex?’ she asked him, dragging him by the arm into their own bedroom and shutting the door. ‘What have you been telling Rose?’

  ‘Don’t you see? It made much more sense to give you as the reason,’ he said. ‘What other possible reason could I give her for not wanting her to go to ballet school? At least one that she’d believe? While doing it this way, since you’ve actually been a dancer—’

  ‘Rose will hate me – don’t you see? This will turn her against me for ever, Alexander!’

  ‘Of course it won’t turn her against you. It’s different with mothers – girls can take things from their mothers they couldn’t possibly accept from their fathers – you know that. You’re a girl.’ Alexander stopped and held up his hands with the open palms facing her, as if stopping a runaway animal. ‘It really does sound much more plausible coming from you. You know about these things – and let’s face it, you’re always telling the poor kid what a tough time you had when you were dancing. It just made more sense, that’s all.’

  ‘Thanks. Thank you very much.’

  ‘Just one thing though, Hope. Don’t blow the
whistle on me. Because that really is the cardinal sin between couples.’

  ‘What?’ Hope stared at Alexander, totally baffled.

  ‘I’m serious, Hope. Believe me – we must stick together on this one, I mean it, otherwise Rose will only become confused. Not that Rose would believe you anyway, if you told her I wanted her to give up, and that’s a fact.’

  Alexander placed his hands on the tops of her arms and squeezed them, then sauntered out. Hope watched him go, and after a few seconds she realized, to her surprise, for she was not an angry person, that anger actually was a very little word compared to how she felt.

  Melinda came up to see her mother later, long after Hope hadn’t come back down for her own supper but had sat staring listlessly out of the window, torn between self-hatred and despair at her inability to cope with her life and somehow make what she wanted to happen, happen.

  ‘Don’t say you’re throwing a wobbly as well.’ Melinda gave her mother an affectionately patronizing look and sighed, sitting down next to her on the edge of the bed.

  ‘No, I am not throwing a wobbly,’ Hope replied carefully. ‘I am simply calming down, that’s all.’

  ‘You’re not the one banned from going to ballet school.’

  ‘No – apparently I’m the one doing the banning.’

  ‘But why?’

  ‘Melinda.’ Hope looked at her eldest daughter and this time it was her turn to sigh. ‘Do you really think I would stop Rose going to Park Lodge? After all the encouragement I’ve given her?’

  ‘Dads said—’

  ‘Dads says a lot of things, many of which he simply does not realize are … inaccurate.’

  ‘But he’s right though, Mums. Remember? I mean remember how you hated ballet school? You’re always telling us how you got slapped at the barre if your leg wasn’t high enough, and how that awful teacher humiliated you—’

  ‘I told you those things because I think illusions are dangerous. I didn’t want Rose to have any illusions, but I would never stop her doing what she wanted – just as, please God, I would never stop any of you doing what you wanted, ever. Why should I? God knows I’ve done little enough myself.’

  ‘No, but it’s pretty clear to all of us now that you don’t want her to go to Park Lodge at all.’

  ‘According to Dads?’

  ‘That’s what he said. He said you were the one who was so keen to move us all to Hatcombe, give us some sort of background, whatever that might mean.’

  Hope sat for a moment deep in thought, nodded once, then got up off the bed. ‘OK,’ she said. ‘If Dads said I did, what chance have I?’

  Melinda frowned at her, puzzled. She had never seen her mother like this before. She hurried off to talk to Rose, hoping against hope that everything would calm down soon. As she opened Rose’s door she heard her father let himself out, as he so often did, out on business again in the evening. She sighed and wished that they would all move to Hatcombe, as soon as possible, that Aunt Rosabel would turn out to be a fairy godmother, that Dads would not have to work so hard to keep them all, that life was, or would soon be, just a bit more of a bed of roses.

  Hope went to Park Lodge at the earliest opportunity, only to find that she was already too late. The Principal’s secretary informed her that Mr Merriott had telephoned first thing the previous morning to tell them that unfortunately their daughter Rose would not be in a position to take up their offer of a place.

  ‘I understand you are moving,’ the woman said. ‘To the country. I must say, from what Mr Merriott said, it does sound lovely.’

  ‘Yes, but we’ve had a rethink since all this came up,’ Hope replied. ‘There’s no reason why Rose can’t board, not now we have really thought the thing through. Rose can board with some friends of ours round the corner—’

  The secretary smiled but at the same time shook her head. ‘I’m afraid your husband said it was a past the post decision, as he called it, so because the waiting list is so long and there’s such a demand for places the Principal thought it only proper to offer your daughter’s place to the next girl in line.’

  ‘I see. So that’s that, really? I suppose that is really that?’

  ‘I’m afraid so, Mrs Merriott. Such a pity because, as you yourself must surely know, your daughter showed signs of a very real ability, not to mention her dedication, which is well above average. Never grumbles, loves her dancing so much. Such a pity, but there.’

  When she finally had Rose to herself and they were able to talk rationally Hope found she was too late on that front as well.

  ‘You don’t have to explain,’ Rose sang out, pretending to tidy her room. ‘Really. It’s fine. Dads has already told me.’

  ‘May I know what? What he’s told you?’

  ‘About you cancelling my place. You couldn’t wait, could you?’

  ‘Rose,’ Hope said, having drawn a long deep breath. ‘That might be what Dads has said to you, but this morning I went to Park Lodge to try to persuade them to change their minds.’

  ‘And?’ Rose turned from her pretence at tidying too quickly for Hope not to realize straight away just how much she would like that decision reversed.

  ‘They can’t – not at the moment.’

  ‘I see.’ Rose dropped her eyes and turned back to the ineffectual sorting of ballet shoes that would no longer be needed. ‘Lucky thing, the girl who got the place. Lucky, lucky thing.’

  Seeing her daughter’s lips suddenly trembling Hope thought her heart would break for Rose. She of all people knew only too well what Rose had gone through to get that place, but she also knew that she couldn’t betray Alexander to his daughters, and that’s what Alexander was banking on. He was playing on the fact that Hope well knew the rules of the married game. They’d been drummed into her hard and long by her father, and for as long as she could remember. Any matter for dispute was to be conducted between husband and wife alone.

  ‘Rose, please listen to me, and don’t walk away when I’m talking to you.’

  ‘I’m walking away because I don’t have anything to say to you.’

  ‘I do to you, Rose. You see, we always agreed that we would never send any of you girls away to school, and now that your – now that we have decided to take this opportunity to move to the country, had you gone to Park Lodge you would have had to board.’

  ‘And now we’re moving to the country, guess what, Mums, I’m going to have to board anyway!’

  ‘Not necessarily, Rose. Look, all is not lost. The Principal at Park Lodge was so impressed with your talent that she’s taken the most unusual step of recommending you to a very good ballet school in Devizes, which isn’t really very far at all from Hatcombe. Isn’t that great?’

  ‘Mums—’

  ‘I can drive you there every day, darling. And if you really are as talented as they think you might be—’

  ‘Mums – there’s no point, right?’

  Hope stopped and looked at her daughter, to find her staring back with grim determination.

  ‘Of course there’s a point. Why shouldn’t there be?’

  ‘Because,’ Rose said, frowning and narrowing her dark eyes, ‘because I don’t want to be a ballet dancer any more, that’s why. OK? I realize just how much it means to you that I don’t compete with you, Dads has already explained all that to me, and it’s OK. it’s cool.’

  Another person who didn’t like the idea of the Merriotts’ moving was Imogen who demanded to know what she was supposed to do.

  As always when he found a question fatuous, Alexander treated it with undue seriousness, considering the problem for an inordinately long period of time before simply throwing it back in the asker’s face.

  ‘What are you supposed to do?’ he echoed. ‘Pass.’

  ‘With you moving to the country. What am I supposed to do?’

  ‘Stay where you are. You don’t have to move.’

  ‘What about you and me, Al?’

  ‘What about you and me? And don’t call me Al
.’

  ‘When am I going to see you?’

  Alexander shrugged. ‘I don’t know, Mogs, really. We’ll have to put our diaries together and work out some dates. But if you think about it, we’re going to be able to spend even more time together than before.’

  ‘The point was,’ Imogen reminded him, ‘since Hope couldn’t have any more children—’

  ‘That was your point, Mogs,’ Alexander corrected her. ‘My father won’t stand for me divorcing Hope. I hope that is quite clear.’

  ‘Your father isn’t the issue here.’

  ‘He’s an old man, Mogs. And not a very well one. Be patient.’

  To stop any further argument Alexander then made what he considered to be pretty good love to his mistress, and since for once she was completely silent afterwards, on reflection he felt his opinion was fully justified.

  The person who finally took the most persuasion, surprisingly enough, was Claire, her problem being that she had settled so well into her new school and made so many friends that she was not looking forward to starting all over again at a place which she might not like nearly so much.

  ‘I know what you’re going to say before you say it, Hope, so don’t bother,’ Alexander had remarked lightly as they drove back home from a friend’s birthday party. ‘I assure you it will be worth it, in terms of lifestyle, quality and worth. No-one brought up in the country ever regrets it – the country is an education in itself. that’s a known fact. And the other known fact is that kids are made of rubber. They bounce. Just you wait. Before the removal men have even finished unpacking, unbridled joy will be the order of the day.’

  It seemed that Alexander was right, because even before the Mercedes had left West Dean Drive for the last time the excitement emanating from the back seat of the old car was palpable. As the girls all fell asleep during what they called the boring motorway bit, Hope’s thoughts strayed back to her old house, and she found herself staring at the cars going in the other direction, back to London, with envy, knowing that many of those people in their vehicles would be going back to their comfortable lives in various versions of West Dean Drive.